Now I want busty blonde in Tete, loud music Body is Boss, those strippers, now I want Denisa, now I want Jackie. But when I go on holiday I realise I must strike straightaway. Don’t put off. See a sexy girl, get a genuine hard on for her, then go with her. Act when hot.
It so much DOES feel too soon to go to Berlin in May. That would feel beyond my means. June feels more natural and healthy.
My first four books Autismus, Lotta, The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains and Casanova cover the years 1999 to 2007. For my fifth book I am going back to the three years preceding Autismus, 1996-1999. To Confound! My sixth book will cover my marriage, 2010-2013 but I will leave that a while longer. It still feels too soon.
Yes there are sexy girls at ——– but it is a long time since I found a girl so lovely, so sweet, so sexy, I so much wanted as I did ——, or Peckham schoolgirl. Someone on that level. Who was last one? —– maybe. Cannot think of anyone else since god knows when. No one in Berlin, Vienna, Munich or Brussels that’s for sure. Will I ever really want someone, body AND soul, like that again?
Fascinating to just read through my Alice stuff. Brilliant powerful stuff about the agonising decision whether to end my marriage or carry on prolonging it, prolonging the relationship with the woman I love more than anything in the world or regaining my “freedom” & loneliness & cold icy air of the mountains. I think I’m ready to work on this book now and get it up on Amazon.
From the margins of The Bohemians: “When I didn’t know how to cope with life, everything cut so deep–the highs and the lows. Now I am settled down with home and wife, nothing can affect me at all. Being eviscerated by loneliness and despair has its advantages it seems. Now I feel a kind of warm dullness from my contentment; I am anguished by my contentment. The fact that last night I smashed the right lens of my glasses which I have had for 13 years seems an omen of something.”
I cannot travel on 23rd May. It is too soon. Use the 2 paydays rule for each trip, so must wait till June. Berlin Kanthotel. Must stop exceeding my overdraft, this is crazy. Christ already just one more night to get through then I am off for 2 days again! Uh-oh. That is a bad sign. I am listening to Berlin music, Mia and 2raumwohnung. But it really must wait till 10th June. Benassi Who’s Your Daddy.