Oh I do feel like jumping on a train to Brussels, no matter the cost! 70% chance of rain on Monday AND Tuesday. Wednesday sunnier, but I will be coming home then anyway. Go home this morning and think about heading back to St Pancras Sunday pm? Sunday or Monday is same price so no difference. Max 3 nights 207 euros.
Just the thought of travelling suddenly makes me wide awake. Pornography, and the thought of travelling are both sure to banish fatigue from me instantly. IN JUST A FEW HOURS I CAN BE SITTING IN THE CINE PARIS WATCHING SOME FRENCH PORNOGRAPHY! Before releasing pressure with some street girl or some Gare du Nord window girl. Why was I so depressed that last time in 5th? Forcing myself to drink but it wouldn’t even go down, and feeling so depressed. No desire for any of the girls. Just ennui, depression. Just bored of 5th Avenue every day I suppose. Try Le Coin on Monday. Let me go home and sleep anyway, then decide when I wake up midday. Sunday evening Eurostar to Brussels. Then I can enjoy all day Monday and Tuesday in rainy Brussels, Fin de Siecle and Old Masters finally, bus back for Le Coin. I CAN come back Wednesday pm in time to see —– at Scotsman. It is actually already 15 days since I last saw her. With or Without You she danced to last time I saw her, on Valentine’s Day, she came grinning collecting and wished me Happy Valentine’s Day, calling it again across the bar while sipping the drink I bought her. Yes spend Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights in Brussels, then come home Wednesday lunchtime to see —– at Scotsman. I will have NO money left even before I go to Berlin 5 days later. 0154 Five hours to go.
I’m sexually incontinent. I was diagnosed as a slut while still a child.
I’m awake by 1151, and feel tension gripping my chest. Why I not sleeping during the day again? Why I tense?
2137 Friday night. First time I ever saw teacher smile this morning. She was wearing leopardprint shoes and I reckon the station guard must have said something to her about them, because she was grinning and trying not to laugh. Walking very slow again, so I went down alley. She IS pretty.
The only erotic sparks I feel right now are for teacher. No one else.
Thinking fondly of Vienna. WSK Manhattan Burggasse. Go to some Beethoven sites maybe.
Brussels don’t mind waiting for spring now, so I can see the street girls uncovered. Otherwise just Cine Paris and Gare du Nord. No more 5th. Felt so depressed there last time, so full of ennui, went with Andrea just to try to force myself out of it. STUPID! Only go with girl when I am BURSTING with lust for her, like Andrea first time, and Brazilian Julia before that.
Berlin I don’t know. Stutti, King George, Caligula. BEC. That is it. Do think of Vienna more than anything.
I never used to enjoy my last nights in Europe because I always really dreaded having to fly home the next day, the whole hideous airport/plane experience. Now I enjoy my last nights knowing I have the pleasure of a long relaxing slow train journey back across Europe to enjoy the next day. A slow return, rather than sudden abrupt return. So much more enjoyable.
Just 10 days from Berlin now.
510 Friday morning. Just going through the motions. Nothing to look forward to, not even looking forward to my Berlin trip. From Sunday I have 4 days off in London but what to do? Only 1 girl at Scotsman for me —– and I felt depressed even watching her on Tuesday and left after 2 miserable pints so what point even going to see —–! Nothing nothing nothing in London!
No —–, —–, or —–, no girl with the real bloom of sexuality on her.
Try to get some work on this 4 days maybe. Or go to Brussels?! F–king hell that would mean £200 thrown away just on the Eurostar. No, always have to book Eurostar a month in advance.
In Vienna try to visit some Beethoven sites, first performance of the 5th Symphony, the brook where he wrote Pastoral etc.
So Tuesday I was free to be drinking in London all day but just felt so depressed, forced myself to 4th and 5th pints but then wanted nothing but to rush home. Need to book another Eurostar NOW for end of March or start of April *after payday.
Just reading the writing from my last Berlin trip in July and I think what on earth am I going back for?! Totally depressing trip to Stuttgarter Platz on the first night, totally depressing trip to King George and Caligula the second night, and the third night I couldn’t even be bothered to go anywhere naughty, just had a steak then bed! Obviously I am going to have to try to do better, be wiser in trying to unlock the fly from the amber, release the woolly mammoth from the ice, find the erotic spark. You carry the weather with you. You can deaden the erotic flame by your own mindset and behaviour. You have to be skillful to keep conjuring yourself into the right mood at the right time. Need to be cleverer. Spend more time drinking bottles and cans of beer IN MY ROOM and spend less time in the bar. Keep going over road to buy cans from shop and bringing them back to my minibar and keep watching porn in my room till I am just ready to head out to Stuttgarter Platz. Next day same thing but head to King George and Caligula early. Third day try Rosa Lux kino again. Obviously on way to Stutti try BEC this time. Anything new? Anita Berber’s house. Alte National Gallery. Think that is it. Oh yes, try the bars in Kurfürstenstraße but better to do that in summer.
Ah what a boring day. This is what London is. Two in Beer House (no Stefanie), one in hotel, peroni in Fly, haircut (no Moldovan), back to Fly for two —– dances. Depressed hungry just came home then. This is why I travel. Just got 4 more days off to come then after that my next days off I will be in Berlin.