Yes, run up a 20,000 debt now while I am young, fit and healthy, and can still maintain full erections. Live like a monk and go bankrupt when I am old and infirm! Don’t fucking live like a monk when I am still young and healthy, to try and save money for when I am old!!!!! Live life to the nth degree, travel to the nth degree, while I am young. When I am old and cannot walk anymore, then let me go bankrupt and say sorry, I have got nothing to pay you back with.
Oh wouldn’t it be lovely if I could arrive in 5th Avenue SOBER, and arrive in street SOBER. Lovely at night if I could arrive in Manhattan or Angelique QUITE sober. I am looking forward to it, I really am.
Just remembered I am staying in Ibis on my night in Brussels, so so easy to get the 6am train to Vienna next morning! And how exciting to be staying there again!
How can I REGRET all the 17,000 debt I have when it brought me those incredible incredible extraordinary adventures–those legendary “three” visits to Brussels, those legendary “three” visits to Munich, those legendary “three” visits to Berlin! And just outside of those was the Diana Berlin visit, the Vanessa Berlin visit, the Olga & Alla Berlin visit, the whole Viktoriya series to Munich and Nuremberg, Maria in Pour Platin Vienna, Lotta & Sophia in Vienna; that was all BQ of course. And now AQ I have had those wonderful Cine ABC days in Brussels, two wild animal —– in Fifth Avenue with Julia and Andrea, oh please go sober!, and just many pleasant hours spent in Fifth, great —- with Beatrice in the street; and the incredible reflowering of Vienna last year, wild animal —– with Fortuna blonde and WSK Amanda, Melissa in Manhattan, Manuella in Burggasse best h—job ever. Incredible Cafe West End. THIS is what that 17000 consists of and the 18000 and 19000 will consist of and it is f–king worth it!
I may be penniless when I am a pensioner but at least I can smile I spent it on good things! I don’t regret a penny of it. The pleasure that spent money brought me. The memories.
Realise I CANNOT use the Substitute for Love stuff. That is a non starter. And certainly NOTHING in the 1997 or 1998 diaries that is usable at all. That is why “YOU ARE REALLY GETTING TO PEOPLE NOW” really was such a momentous moment, the start of me finding my voice, and finding myself. But Christ I still had those awful wasted years of 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 to come before the golden age of Brussels, Munich, Berlin, Vienna to come. But then 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009. were all wiped out by —– as well. Four whole years of black depression, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013 were wiped out by the happy imprisonment of marriage. Those few brief years of 2003-5 really were a glorious golden age, and now too from Twelfth Night 2014 to date. How awful nearly all of my years have been! At least since —— loved me I have been happy and calm. She has saved me from depression. But the GLORY lies in Vienna, Brussels, Berlin. I have to keep travelling. And writing.