I do not understand people who can live their lives without beer, and pornography and prostitution. I just genuinely cannot. They are so much the crutches of my life, I do not understand anyone who does not need these crutches. Where is their opium? What are their highs? Is this addiction to these opiums sign of my sickness? I honestly feel I am MORE healthy, MORE alive, than those their boring mundane lives without these things. We all live life from our own angle, our own perspective, and find it hard to contemplate any other. Certainly, for myself, I can only say I only feel alive when I am doing these “naughty things”. It is only the naughty things that make me feel alive. That cost me my marriage, that cost me the love of the one woman who remains “behind my defences”, but I have to be true to myself. We only have one life, and it is so short.