7am woke tossing and turning dreaming about living in a small poky basement flat, waiting for —— and — to come back from holiday, and desperately trying to clean the place up before they got back. But all the time I was feeling a sense of shame and misery that I could not be the man —— wanted me to be and deserved, I would always let her down, despite me loving her so much. A sad dream.
Well I slept through to 1457 today. Was dreaming about arriving in Vienna, I was thinking I have arrived like this before or I have dreamed this before, not sure how meta the thought was. I was near head of line of people who had just disembarked from a train or coach or something, and we are now walking across a big square, up a black iron ladder, swinging legs over black rails at top over black iron bridge then down ladder at other side. Woman with baby and I thought again she has not prepared any internet access for herself or her child. Shake my head. Sure I have had this exact dream before, but I wake up and still feel no desire at all to return to Vienna. It is too far, and therefore feels too expensive, and that I have stretched myself too thin. The further from home I travel the more the money worries me and feels harder to justify, more I want to be heading home.
I dreamed of —— again last night; it was lovely to be with her in a dream at least. I can’t remember what happened now, but she was happy & smiling & beautiful & hugging me. Will we really never be together again?
Wake up just 1pm busting for piss, wet down below either from leaked piss or sweat, tossing & turning in horrible dream, I am in desert, trying to hide and escape from enemy soldiers, some Arabian Nights fantasy. But even if I hid and escape, where to ? Just into endless desert? Or I can fly by force of mind like a djinni and fly across the desert?
A most bizarre and heavy long dream about 18th century adventurers sailing across southern seas to land where they believed the 2nd incarnation of Jesus was living, there they meet a man coming out to meet them and they walk across to meet him, a Charles Cogan Lewis. A bearded, brown-suited, top-hatted Victorian gentleman who apparently was Jesus. I cannot remember any more but it was a portentous and ominous dream. I felt the power of their quest, and their belief that this was Jesus, and the momentous moment of their meeting. I wake exhausted, shattered, aching all over.
952 just opened my eyes. Horrible dream, trying to get to private party where —– is but already after midnight, rushing hoping to get there for last half hour or so, finally nearly there, train comes in to last station so I think I will run and jump on that for last stop, but then to my horror arrive BACK at ——— and realise stupidly it was going other way, have to walk back same way I have just been, but this time in back streets I turned down just before, I now cannot find the right turning, I am lost in back streets. End up going back to —– to start again, and am looking for my A to Z but to go by main streets would take hours. Wake up tense and gripped in frustration.
Waking Friday I was having sexy dream where she leapt into my arms, both legs around my back and rubbing herself up and down against me. I went back to sleep and had amazing sexy dream about a childminder woman, brunette but with white hair all around the front hanging long, and she took her jumper off to show her vest, then her vest off to show her bra. Net day she came back and let me put my arm around her and lean her close to me, and letting go she carried on leaning against me, all that warm flesh, so I knew I could continue. Sexiest dream for a long long while. When I have hangovers I do tend to get the sexy dreams.