Three pints in the ——-. Woman manager was there but not in tight-fitting clothes so her huge arse was wasted

Three pints in the ——-. Woman manager was there, but not in tight-fitting clothes so her huge arse was wasted. At start black haired Latino in tight blue jeans and black leather jacket passed me, red bee-stung lips. Then 10 minutes later came back and put bag on table to find something glancing over her shoulder into my eyes before she moved on again. The ONLY sexy girl of the day. Rubbish. Went to Shakespeare for 1 more. Swedish blonde girls with boy at table in front of me. Reminding me of Lotta and Sophia. Windows are not good for people watching. Made me think Victoria is the Berlin Zoo of London. All the budget travellers coming to England come through Victoria. But for me of course it is nothing. 4 pints enough to make me hungry and tired so came home.
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Just 15 days till Brussels! Bank looking better than I expected and I am NOT going to spend a penny on strippers to destroy that

Just 15 days till Brussels! Bank looking better than I expected, and I am NOT going to spend a penny on strippers to destroy that! I am off Monday to Wednesday; what to do? Maybe tomorrow don’t even renew my oyster? No, to be honest, I cannot stay home all day; I have to at least go to —– for my 3 beers to find some oblivion, so I can knock myself out and make those days pass by faster, till Brussels can come, and then Vienna can come; the only time I come to life. tempted to try Mary on Monday?

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In January to September alone I have spent £2,242 on strippers and that does not include all the beer I consume while doing it

In January to September alone I have spent £2,242 on strippers, and that does not include all the beer I consume while doing it, all the drinks I bought for them & bar staff. STOPPING going to strip pubs for rest of year will make a massive difference. That is the turning point. THAT is only thing that will bring my credit card debt down, bring my credit card minimum payments down. Just think that £2,242 I had not spent on strippers I could have spent in Vienna and Brussels! Much better use of the money. That £234 I spent in —– last week alone could have gone on paying off my cards, and been used as spending money in Brussels and Vienna. That is the incentive. I am doing well, in August I reduced my credit card debt by £74 and in September by a further £240. Without —— I can be reducing it by almost £500 a MONTH. That is reducing my credit card debt by a THOUSAND POUNDS every two months, potentially. The prize is there, and it is attainable. The low lying fruit is there.

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Frightening I am in such terrible financial situation even when working at —– for 14 months on £–,000 a year

Frightening I am in such terrible financial situation even when working at —– for 14 months on £–,000 a year, even while living at —– for three years on just £– a week rent. I managed to turn things around by stopping drinking coke, and by stopping eating a sandwich & big bar of chocolate at work every night. Need the same discipline in my spending, somehow. No —— basically. That is the only thing I spend money on. That will reduce my expenditure on the rhino horn as well of course. Just concentrate on drinking and people watching at ———. With Brussels end of October and Vienna in December to look forward to.

Woke around 2pm (after pee break at 1119 already). Weight down to 15’1 almost 15 dead

Woke around 2pm (after pee break at 1119 already). Weight down to 15’1, almost 15 dead. Because I had NO breakfast before bed. Keep to that. So close to breaking that 15 barrier but can never quite do it. If I survive this, I will be so relieved, so happy. I will be flying. So last night nearly here, then 2 days off…..to go to —–??? What a sinking tawdry feeeling that gives me. That is all that London has left. This is why I cannot stop travelling just to be held in suspension. Sitting in a bar in Brussels staring out the window, drinking Jupiler or Maes or Stella. Or sitting in a bar in Vienna drinking Zipfer or Ottakringer or Weaselburger. But it is in those places, that oblivion, I am happy. Even if I am sad, I can wallow happily in that sadness. Are there others who actually feel HAPPY if allowed to wallow in their sadness? But I get no pleasure in wallowing in this sadness in London, it has to be in Europe, in one of my favourite cities in Europe. My 4 cities in the autumn stars—Berlin (though I don’t think I will ever go back there), Brussels, Munich (has become a stopover only) and Vienna. That first 1999 Grand Tour when I first set foot in Europe has branded itself into my psyche so deeply. It was like a branding iron, and I can only ever be happy in those same 4 cities.

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I don’t want any relationships, I don’t want to be with anyone; just drink and watch the world go by? Is this then all my life will be?

I don’t want any relationships, I don’t want to be with anyone; just drink and watch the world go by? Is this then all my life will be? Tonight I plan an epic walk across Brussels, from my hotel all the way to the Justice Palace, and beyond, down to Louise then Rue de Livourne. Stopping off along the way in Club L’Intime and Reves Table Dance. Perhaps. I doubt I will go all that way. Not with this complete lack of enthusiasm which has bedevilled this trip. The skies still bright blue but at street level dusk starting to fall; lamps outside the Hotel Plaza glowing brightly. 845pm. I just want a little nest, where I can be alone with my ferns, and my classical music, and my writing. Perhaps my lethargy & torpor on this trip is sub-consciously because I feel it is nearing the time when I find that little nest for myself and save my money for that.

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