I was supposed to go home Tuesday afternoon on a £25 Eurostar ticket. I then extended this to Thursday on a £16 coach ticket. Before finally extending it to Saturday morning and a £64 Eurostar ticket. But out of all that expenditure is there anything I can really look back on and think I shouldn’t have spent that? The three great extravagances were the 3 x 75 euros to take Inna and Leyla (twice) to the Fifth Avenue rooms, and I absolutely NEEDED to do that. If I hadn’t, on all three occurrences, I would have been cursing my missed opportunity and would have spent more money coming BACK to Brussels to put it right. This time I did everything I wanted and needed to do, so no need to come back for a long while. Apart from that I just paid 14 euros almost every day for Cine Paris, lots of beer but only in cheap places, no more than 1,60-1,80 for small beers every bar—and avoided all the rip-off places like Empire and the 10 euros small beers. I managed to avoid Empire all week, and am quite pleased about that. I DIDN’T go with any Rue d’Aerschot window girls which is absolutely remarkable given their astonishing beauty & sexiness. It was only my fidelity to Leyla, and wanting to save money for her, that kept me from doing anything in Rue d’Aerschot, so I would have spent the same money in Rue d’Aerschot if I hadn’t spent it in Fifth Avenue. No, I cannot regret anything—this is one of those trips where I really did EVERYTHING I wanted to do, and do not go home regretting any foolish abstentions.
Christ, Inna came in to Fifth Avenue last night like a ball of lightning; like the ball of fire in Tintin & the 7 Crystal Balls. Looking hot in that shock of black hair, black tight top exposing her midriff, black miniskirt & black stockings, a little pocket rocket; and from the moment she surged in & hung her coat up, she was taken to a room and I think one or more gentlemen kept her there for all the time I was there. At one point she came back down to get some drinks then was gone again.
I should perhaps pop into Fifth Avenue early, hoping to see one of Leyla’s Moroccan friends who can tell her I WON’T be coming tonight anymore after all, though I told her I would. Just in case she thought she would have at least 1 definite customer in me, and then sit there waiting for me to come in when I won’t. I feel sated with the naughty places, and rather horrified by how much money I have spent on these 7 days. Let me enjoy the pleasure of drink & food & sleep today, before my early departure Saturday morning.
So a rapprochement with Leyla. I came back down the whole length of the Rue d’Aerschot without doing anything with anyone, as I knew I would; a last small beer in La Dernière Minute then back to Fifth Avenue. After my second visit to the toilet, I saw there she was sitting in the armchair at the back as usual. She was talking with two Moroccan men but when I got the chance I sat down next to her. Now, ironically, having booked my Eurostar for Saturday morning, I feel ready to return home Friday night after all. But presuming I can find enough credit on one of my cards to just cover tonight’s hotel charge (52 euros), I will have to stick with Brussels for one more day (with no money). This means I will have spent SEVEN nights in Brussels; I’ve never done that before. I knew my stay would take in Halloween, but I didn’t think I’d still be here by Guy Fawkes Day.
Better to stay in the erotic paradise of Brussels for as long as possible. Porn cinema, window girls of fabulous sexiness, and maybe even a beauty or two in Fifth Avenue. None of this is possible in London. The short stretch between Red Devil and Retro Bar actually seems the poorest stretch of the road; no one of any great interest. Just relax; stroll up & down the Rue d’Aerschot for as many hours as you like. Stay in the Retro or the Red Devil as long as you like. Back in the Red Devil. I don’t think I’m going to do anything in the windows, to be honest. My money is too tight, stretched to the absolute maximum, and I still sub-consciously know I have TWO more remote possibilities of seeing Leyla again; plus I still have to pay for my Friday night hotel.
So today? I do not expect she will be at Fifth Avenue again. Let me go to Rue d’Aerschot wildly drinking, see 1 or 2 girls, then come back & sleep really early. In bed by 3pm perhaps. Then I can wake 6pm and head out to 5th Avenue later. That will avoid the “repeating myself” deathtrap that ruined yesterday. And that is the thing, going up & down the Rue d’Aerschot like yesterday, planning to do something with 1 or 2 girls before returning to see Leyla at 5th, I found myself overwhelmed by sentimentality about Leyla, with feelings of LOYALTY and FIDELITY. I felt I had a fallen a little bit in love with her and I felt too honour-bound to be loyal to her to do anything with the window girls, as amazing as they were, so the whole day was a dead loss! Today with maudlin despair & self-loathing there is nothing to stop me doing what I want in Rue d’Aerschot. I never expect to see Leyla again. After this ruinously expensive holiday it will be next year till I can return to Brussels. After my first night with Lucy in 5th, I never saw her again. After my first night with Adelina in Manhattan in Vienna, I never saw her again. I don’t expect to ever see Leyla again. But to be brutal this disaster was probably a good thing. My terrible feeling of love & sentimentality for her yesterday was madness. This disaster was a vital & quick corrective. A quick snapping out of it & return to reality. I must admit, having come down from the bedroom with her Tuesday, I was in a daze of love & lust & desire for her. Her “sister” came up to me and just waved her hand in front of my eyes to snap me out of it. I was thinking to cancel my Vienna trip and come to Brussels instead; try to come to Brussels as soon as possible BEFORE the Vienna trip. Thank goodness this corrective disaster has brought me back to reality.