I will look forward so much to seeing Inna again, and Emily, and Leyla, and Brazilian f–kbunny, who knows maybe even Diane. But not until April. This Anouk reminds me so much of Leyla now. She is so beautiful. I am a little bit in love with her already. Now I long to see her again.
Snowing in Brussels at 3am. Probably was all night, but I think I must have been in bed by 5 or 6, after staggering back from my Brussels Grill steak. Then slept through to 1, had a wee, back to sleep till 3. So once again I did nothing in Rue d’Aerschot or Fifth. Coming away from Rue d’Aerschot I couldn’t help smiling and laughing to myself, and same while in Fifth, which tells me indeed that my sub-conscious WANTED me to do nothing in Brussels this time, which was why I couldn’t stop smiling and laughing for no apparent reason. The older I get the more I realise my sub-conscious rules my life. It is the massive Nile running underground inside me and it channels my thoughts and actions. It drags me with it. It takes a lot to override it and even then it never feels right, and turns out badly. So I have learnt to listen to it and let it take me where it wants. I have learned my sub-conscious knows best. It knows what is really necessary for my life, and this time NOT to spend any money in Brussels was definitely what was needed. Or maybe it was just telling me the quality is not here right now, save it for something that is worth it, and I will know when that something turns up. There was a moment in Fifth when I turned and caught sight of a Moroccan girl in lumberjack shirt that Leyla wore once, and I thought it was her. My heart started beating fast and I thought to myself I AM going to spend a lot of money after all but then I looked again and realised it was not her. Black bob Tatiana, Emily, Perrie were all there, but I felt no desire for any of them. I check out in 7 hours then have six hours to kill before my train. Probably cheapest just to sit in Cine Paris as long as possible.
No, even in the videokabin I didn’t feel in the mood. Only 2 “big bust” films! Worse than ever. Hardly any really good window girls. Just not in the mood at all, and the quality is not there either. Down to my last 140 euros (out of initial 336). Maybe that will last me the whole trip after all. I will have a few beers here in the Red Devil bar, then walk down the windows and head back to Fifth. A low-key visit from start to finish, it’s looking like. Maybe I should try something a bit random tonight. Like that Anais bar next to Empire—expensive hostess bars. I think my financial situation does sub-consciously dampen all my fires. How to explain that last Friday night in Brussels then! It needs a completely incredible girl to overcome it—e.g. Diane last time, Leyla the time before that. The new black Brazilian f–k bunny is sexy but not quite enough, perhaps. The fact I am even querying it means no, she is not. When I set eyes on Diane and Leyla, there was not even any question in my mind, I just knew I had to go straight to a room with them; and it’s this sort of girl I am always looking for, and none other will do.
The little f— bunny followed me into the toilets: J—. From Brazil. Very tempting. 5th beer in 5th Avenue. Only 230. Yes let me drink myself into the ground here in 5th and see what girls I see before I have to leave at 4 or 5, whenever. Tomorrow Wiertz Museum and Rue d’Aerschot. 6. 245 Still no A-listers. Cannot last much longer. Brussels Grill steak then sleep. Look forward to Empire later. 7. 8?