There is a man at the next table to me, eating his way through it seems several croissants so noisily, so many strange noises from his mouth, and he picks his phone up (?) and puts it down so noisily every time. Real irritating nuisance. How dare he be in the lounge same time as me. You have to put your phone down so noisily every time? You have to eat so noisily? Hell truly is other people. Yes it is good having a music channel on my hotel TV that plays French music—but really? Is French music really this piss poor & weak? Are there no big stars with big hits, big tunes, big beats? It is all so fucking weak. Christ, he doesn’t stop putting his phone down so noisily on the table, up & down, up & down; fucking annoying cunt. French football seems so slow and weak, and their pop music seems the same. Or maybe D17 just chooses that kind of music to play. Perhaps he is trying to drive me away by being so noisy and irritating; well he’s got a shock coming; I’m only on my first beer and there is a lot more to come. Finally on my second beer. Oh my god, he’s got a whole feast there; he has kind of a cutting board and is cutting up his bread and making like kind of sandwiches, piece by piece. It is his knife that he keeps picking up & putting down so noisily. So fucking annoying he is. No doubt my continued presence annoys him as much as his annoys me, but at least I am quiet, and don’t continually keep making these ridiculous noises “ooh” “aah” “eeeummmm”. Incredible noises; like someone straining on a toilet.
4 days into my 5 day holiday and I’ve only heard one good song, Black Strobe’s “Girl from the Bayou”. It is nice to have two music channels on my hotel TV here in Brussels but MTV Viva only plays pretty mainstream stuff from the charts (and only has music in the mornings anyway), and D17 by contrast plays a lot of French music which is great, if only it wasn’t all so weak and rubbish. Where are the Alizées these days!? The Berenices? Something with a bit of punch. Yes, French music but with a bit of oomph behind it. Massive tunes. The best music channel I find these days is Go TV in my Vienna hotel. Really interesting great songs old & new which I have never heard before.
I have been awake since 1pm Sunday; it hardly bears thinking about that when I leave work I have to start my 13 HOUR journey to Berlin—still without any sleep. What will I find when I get there. Any chance to rediscover the old pleasures? After all I have found them in last 2 years in Brussels and Vienna. There should be plenty of rain about at least, though most of it Monday when I am stuck in trains.
Those men in shower room videos are a great discovery, why I never looked at them before. So sexy. How I felt in the old Sunset Cinema days walking up and down the stairs with my cock rolling for all to see. Fantastic feeling. Surely I can f— someone like an animal on this Berlin trip can’t I? Will my psychosomatic illness make the infection come back though? At least in June I will get my second biggest paycheque EVER (tax allowing). This 12 months I have earned £–,700 more than the previous year. What great memories in that 12 months? WSK Jackie, Adelina, 5th Avenue Lucy, all in last 4 months of last year. Massively crippled by the infection, made so much worse I now realise by TOO MUCH ——-. I prolonged it by my own actions. Fascinating now to see if I CAN spark this year to life in the last 7 months. Can it catch fire?
I am becoming dangerously stimulated now. Today was really the first day of it. I realised I have only dipped my toes in the water of what is possible sex-wise, even in the last 2½ years. I have barely scratched the surface. I should have stayed so much more in Cine Paris, even with awful American films. Something always made me reticent, not wanting to. I hope I can rediscover rampancy at least now summer is coming. And the £25 Eurostar tickets COULD be a game-changer. Thinking a lot about Zinip at the end of Rue d’Aerschot today. I am so randy now. Still February 9th since I last had sex. Ohhhhhh I cannot wait till I arrive in Kanthotel Berlin late on 13th June. However bad Sissi, Monte Carlo and 77 are, they are still better than nothing.
Red Riding Hood Night. Used to have toothaches, then the nerves went dead, and I do not have toothache anymore. I used to have lots of heartaches, then my emotions went dead, and I no longer suffer heartaches. A blessing I do not suffer heartaches anymore.