I will be that old man alone in the pub with his pint, day after day. I already am.
My freedom, or the woman I love: that is what my life came down to, and at the end inevitably I will look back and see I threw away the woman I loved because I couldn’t give up my freedom.A lonely sad cold old man I will be, missing her for so many years till I eventually die alone and she won’t even know I am dead. But I couldn’t breathe, and I cannot live like that again. Not now, perhaps never.
I think I will apply for euthanasia when I get older. The thought of being a little 60 or 70 year old man, all on my own, unable to heat my house properly, pension not even covering heating or food bills let alone paying back my tens of thousands of pounds of debt accrued from a lifetime of travelling. I wonder if you are allowed to go for euthanasia if you owe a lot of money? Can I pay for it on my credit card? I suppose that invalidates your life insurance as well; your loved ones won’t get that money if you elect to have yourself put down?
What to say, just going through the motions day after day, like a hamster on the wheel, but I am earning the money to finally clear away my debts.
No desire to travel again, just want to try to clear my debts as much as I can while mother is around. I will be that old man alone in the pub with his beer, just staring out the window.