“I still think there must be an Esmeralda out there with my name on her but I may never find her” I wrote in 2010 after my one night Vienna visit, where I discovered Pour Platin shut down. Well, yes I have found her haven’t I—FROM Twelfth Night 2014 trip to Vienna under Wagnerian skies and Fortuna Blonde, Amanda WSK, Andrea, Julia and Lucy in 5th Avenue, Adelina in Manhattan, not to mention the great times I had in Soho with Zara, Maria, Lavinia, Marianna, etc. Loyalty and fidelity weighed me down, and then for most of the past 12 months the pox weighed me down.
Yes I think I will enjoy Vienna more in October if I go back free of the pox. Much more free to f–k anyone in Tete or Manhattan, or WSK of course. And I can enjoy stopping off in Munich now I am setting To Confound there, and can look for Wedekind’s grave.
Yes Vienna was depressing but wasn’t that partly because I was still psychologically burdened by the pox, still putting toothpaste and talcum powder on it every day in desperate attempt to cover it. How that weighed me down. Might have done something in Tete a Tete or Manhttan if not for that. And maybe Adelina will be back in October.
More than ever I can become pure Priapism. I have not even started. Now I must re-boot and start again. I have the —– now, and I am free of the infection, and I have more money than ever before. And I am free. This can become the start of the most rampant time in my life. I started using the —– last summer but at one and same time, chance or not, was crippled by this pox. At same time I got new job with more money. Only now I have beaten the infection can I start my rampant life for real. Inna and Mariana were just the start of it.
I took it for granted but now looking back how fantastic it was going to Brussels and being so free of the pox AND with the ——. As soon as Inna sat next to me I knew straightaway I would take her to room; and Mariana in the windows. I want MORE rampancy like this when I go back. But no more Empire. Rather try Gascogne again rather than Empire. Cine Paris will be end of the night. Can’t wait to get back.
Why am I not rampantly fucking my way around Europe like a wild rutting stag? Tooling like Byron in gondola, in alley, on table, under table, in carriage, etc etc? The pox held me back of course. Hopefully this next couple of trips I CAN overcome my reticence and be that mad, lust crazed rutting stag. Anyone half fanciable.
How I have come on since June last year. The ———- gone, and not only that but now I have —————————-. What a belated discovery in my life! I have lost 2 stone since last June. I am earning about £-000 a year more than I did then. The pox is in abeyance for more than a month now. I have the regular supply of —— which thrills me so much. Everything finally is ready for the next great step forward, but we will see if it happens. Everything feels like it has been in retrograde this year up till now. When will the handbrakes finally be taken off and everything surge forward again?