The year starts in 16 days time with the return to Brussels. After that still no desire for the long drag to Vienna. So can only be Brussels again. In London avoid — for fear of ——-. So just —-? Or just like Tuesday, drinking in the pubs was enough for me.
If I go to a strip club I look for a dancer I can find a connection with. We look in to each other’s eyes and see something, a spark that connects us, and a way past the superficial. If I go to a brothel I look for a girl I can find a connection with. If I go to a pub I look for a barmaid I can have some connection with, i.e. immediately I go beyond being just a customer but straightaway we become like intimate at some level, and share confidences. e.g. —- at Scotsman, Cassia at Porcupine, Ursula at Boadicea. I crave this immediate laser connection in whatever environment I am in. However, this does not mean once opening this doorway, I want to go all the way with it. I play with the personal intimacy I have achieved, but then leave it hanging. I have noticed this behaviour in myself. In the three places I spend most of my time, strip clubs, brothels, and pubs.