LET’S FACE IT I COULD GO TO BRUSSELS FOR ONE NIGHT STANDS! FOR JUST £50 EUROSTAR PLUS £40 HOTEL, £100 FOR DRINK AND F—, F— ANYBODY, THEN BACK HOME NEXT AFTERNOON, THAT IS JUST £190. OR IF I HAVE LATE EUROSTAR HOME NEXT DAY, EVEN SQUEEZE IN A SECOND F— WTH SOMEONE FOR ANOTHER 50. TOTAL £240 FOR TRAVEL, HOTEL 1 NIGHT AND TWO AMAZING F—S. SNAP CAN TRANSFORM MY TRAVELLING, FINANCES AND SEX LIFE. Nothing is possible till February payday of course.
Last night I made a rule for myself—in future I will never again enter a brothel/night bar/brasserie à femmes, call them what you will, without ——g one of the girls. Because this is ridiculous. To keep going to these places and keep leaving without having done anything is ridiculous. In future I will force myself to always go with one of the girls before I allow myself to leave. If there is no one I fancy, I will just go with the one that is least bad. That means waiting till I can travel with plenty of money. But I must start this. It is like going to a porn cinema without masturbating. Ridiculous. And never go to Rue d’Aerschot without doing something with one of the girls, too. This too will actually inspire me to save money to make this viable. Now, with this new rule in mind, I look forward to coming back to Brussels again. Even in Manhattan in Vienna in December, there were at least 3 very desirable girls but again I did nothing. This must stop. There is no point travelling at all if I keep doing nothing when I get there.
The problem is the only time when I start to get into the “zone” when I feel I want to f–k like an animal ….. is when the drink has just started to numb my body into cold insensibility, so I cannot gain any pleasure out of that f–king. Nothing new; since the first day I ever had sex with a floozie, this has been the problem; but it is getting worse, not better, as it takes more alcohol to get me into that “zone” than ever.