No, even in the videokabin I didn’t feel in the mood. Only 2 “big bust” films! Worse than ever. Hardly any really good window girls. Just not in the mood at all, and the quality is not there either. Down to my last 140 euros (out of initial 336). Maybe that will last me the whole trip after all. I will have a few beers here in the Red Devil bar, then walk down the windows and head back to Fifth. A low-key visit from start to finish, it’s looking like. Maybe I should try something a bit random tonight. Like that Anais bar next to Empire—expensive hostess bars. I think my financial situation does sub-consciously dampen all my fires. How to explain that last Friday night in Brussels then! It needs a completely incredible girl to overcome it—e.g. Diane last time, Leyla the time before that. The new black Brazilian f–k bunny is sexy but not quite enough, perhaps. The fact I am even querying it means no, she is not. When I set eyes on Diane and Leyla, there was not even any question in my mind, I just knew I had to go straight to a room with them; and it’s this sort of girl I am always looking for, and none other will do.
The thought of being in videokabins or porn cinema is so thrilling. The thought of going out with a beautiful woman, on a date, talking with her, kissing her, leaves me absolutely cold. I gave all my emotions to ——. I have no more left for anyone else. Once was enough. Like going to Venice, or Neuschwanstein, or the Moon, or Mount Everest. Once is enough.
It was dark then, after 9pm, and I headed up to Gare du Nord, with no enthusiasm. Still feeling completely sexless. Spent about 10 minutes in the Sexyworld kabins, again a full erection but again no sexual arousal in my brain. Normally the kabins will turn me on so much I want to rush out and do something with one of the window girls, but now I felt no desire for it. I walked up as far as Fiesta Café only (about one quarter of the Rue d’Aerschot only? Perhaps less); surprised how few windows were open actually. Turned back and had 2 small beers in La Derniere Minute café, mainly because the barmaid looked cute and she had the most amazing hair, braids, and devil’s horn buns and all sorts, really lovely—must have taken HOURS to get her hair like that! Watched a bit of Liverpool’s pre-season game on the TV screen then came back; all I could think of was a burger in the burger bar beside my hotel, so rushed back for that and then bed. A cheap first evening in Brussels, but rather sad that I felt so completely unaroused the whole time. Hope I can feel SOME sexiness on this trip.
I love to be surrounded by floozies. I love to be in videokabins. I love to be in porn cinemas. I love to see big breast strippers. BERLIN. BRUSSELS. NUREMBERG.
I only really feel alive in videokabins and nightbars with floozies.