It was dark then, after 9pm, and I headed up to Gare du Nord, with no enthusiasm. Still feeling completely sexless. Spent about 10 minutes in the Sexyworld kabins, again a full erection but again no sexual arousal in my brain. Normally the kabins will turn me on so much I want to rush out and do something with one of the window girls, but now I felt no desire for it. I walked up as far as Fiesta Café only (about one quarter of the Rue d’Aerschot only? Perhaps less); surprised how few windows were open actually. Turned back and had 2 small beers in La Derniere Minute café, mainly because the barmaid looked cute and she had the most amazing hair, braids, and devil’s horn buns and all sorts, really lovely—must have taken HOURS to get her hair like that! Watched a bit of Liverpool’s pre-season game on the TV screen then came back; all I could think of was a burger in the burger bar beside my hotel, so rushed back for that and then bed. A cheap first evening in Brussels, but rather sad that I felt so completely unaroused the whole time. Hope I can feel SOME sexiness on this trip.
The little people, the really really stupid insects, continue to be fascinated by me, obsessed by me. How I torment them. How I run rings around them. How my success tortures them. Oh how I yearn to be back in porn cinema, and videokabin, the smells & the sights & the sounds. It is where I am happiest, where my spirit soars highest. In dark of a strip club with young girl disrobing to pounding music. In brasserie à femme or night bar with half dressed floozies lounging boredly around smoking, not bothering me. Surrounded by butterflies who make no effort to approach me. This is heaven.
LIVE IN SMUT. Bouncy breasts, tight leggings over curvy bottoms. Porn cinemas, videokabins. Handjobs in sex kinos in Berlin. Nothing else matters. Smutty thoughts always, masturbating always. Descend deep into it away from reality.
I love to be surrounded by floozies. I love to be in videokabins. I love to be in porn cinemas. I love to see big breast strippers. BERLIN. BRUSSELS. NUREMBERG.
I only really feel alive in videokabins and nightbars with floozies.
I told myself all that matters is Berlin (and Vienna, Nuremberg, Brussels). What happens at work is irrelevant, in London irrelevant. I live and breathe and dream for Berlin, and those wonderful sleazy nightbars and videokabins. That is where my life is, my soul, my spirit.
Vienna was poor. I seemed to just slide across the surface without it making any impression on me. No really hot moments at all. Brussels was worse (though maybe should have gone back to Cine Paris for the nurses film). Only hot moment of whole trip was the Caribic videokabins. I AM looking forward to Berlin on 13th June. Just over 4 weeks to go. The great videokabins of BEC to set me up for ANYONE in Monte Carlo, or Sissi, or 77. And the pleasure? of staying in Kanthotel again after so many years, so close to McDonald’s! Can’t wait.