Autismus, Lotta, The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains and Casanova already published, and To Confound and The Double Life soon to join them. The ever more lethal world we live in makes the seeking out of pleasure ever more urgent. 121am now. Just 6 hours and I am out of here on bus to St Pancras, on train 855am, at Gare du Midi 1209, then my Berlin train leaves 245pm. Time I have deposited my new huge bag in a locker, had some drinks in Orient Express that will be 1pm surely. Hardly worth going up to Cine Paris in that time, and yet there is too much time to kill if I do not. I cannot stay in Le Coin that long I think. But oh I suppose I could START my walk up to Cine Paris from there. Should be VERY rainy, even thunderstormy when I arrive, that might encourage me to take the long walk. Or just enjoy several beers in Le Coin then stroll back. Stupid to be stuck SO far away from Midi HAVING to take that massive long walk back to get my train. Yes, save Cine Paris for Thursday. Just Orient Express and Le Coin to pass the 2 hours around Midi. Then hopefully a nice quiet seat on the train to Koln and thence from Koln to Berlin so I can even doze off.
Will I ever write that Willing Cheeks of Fu Manchu? My Dracula.
Yes I want despair, ruin again, that is when EROTICISM comes back to life. When I come back to life. Taste my misery like blood in my mouth. Writing with blue hands in cold stoveless rooms.
My first four books Autismus, Lotta, The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains and Casanova cover the years 1999 to 2007. For my fifth book I am going back to the three years preceding Autismus, 1996-1999. To Confound! My sixth book will cover my marriage, 2010-2013 but I will leave that a while longer. It still feels too soon.
Fascinating to just read through my Alice stuff. Brilliant powerful stuff about the agonising decision whether to end my marriage or carry on prolonging it, prolonging the relationship with the woman I love more than anything in the world or regaining my “freedom” & loneliness & cold icy air of the mountains. I think I’m ready to work on this book now and get it up on Amazon.
I want to be a Shakespeare, a Samuel Pepys. I do not aim low. 100 years from now, 200, 300, I want people to be reading me to learn what life was like in Western Europe in the early 21st century/late 20th century.
This may be a brief flowering golden age before things turn very very horrible in my life. Losing mother the first of it. Being severely maimed in Europe the second. Whatever happens I will write my masterpiece, The Willing Cheeks of Fu Manchu. Seeds of the Pope.